Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Randomize
