They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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