Already got asked if we're dating
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
