I just pynch a tree in the face
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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