Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
