it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
