dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
