She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize