I think scott just propositioned me for sex
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
