I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
