one two three fourrrrnication!
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
He keeps bees of course he's weird
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
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