im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
