my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize