Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
