I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
