I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
