well he's currently spooning the coffee table
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
