Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
