He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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