I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
