Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
