So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
