I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
My bed smells like the plague
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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