Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
