Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
