Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
