I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
