she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Operation Purity has been aborted
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
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