There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
and she was petting her beer can
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
