Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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