The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
