I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
