I'm lost and stupid without you.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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