she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
