He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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