look no pants
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
