Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
