My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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