i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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