I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
