that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
