He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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