i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
