I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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