when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
