hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
