In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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