Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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