What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
