my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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