So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
