Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
