I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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