You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
