Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Randomize
