So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
