I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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