Nicole vs. Life
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize