I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
