Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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