Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Couch. On fire.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
