I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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