Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Randomize
