I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize