On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize