I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
