that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
