I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
